I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
