I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
