So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
