the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we should paint friendship bongs
try to milk me bitch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
