i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will pee on everything he values.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
