trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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