Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
