you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
