It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
