I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
