you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
did you just send me my own nude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
