am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
