Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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