I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
