He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
