Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
