Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
