there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
