someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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