How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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