The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
