Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
