Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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