I cannot find my penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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