I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
