Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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