So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
