Do you still have your period?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
