Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
