It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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