I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
