Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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