I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
