He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
