careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
