I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
