but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
