The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
