i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
