Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
