My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
