Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
