Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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