idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
