dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
