I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
