bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
