Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
try to milk me bitch
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