And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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