you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
