Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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