I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
birth control should be required to get into college
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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