We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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